hey people! just got home from dinner at Tao's. haha. it's a restaurant with really really nice waiters and waitresses, also very nice food. it was a seven course meal that made me so buffed up right now. LoL! really very full.

but before i go into detail about the dinner, let me tell you guys something about last night.

before i went to sleep last night, i was trying to think about the very beginning when me and my dad's relationship got bad. so i thought real hard and finally, i remembered. it happened when i was ten years old (i think). it was one of the times when i was really getting frustrated while talking. so i was screaming. usually, my parents would scream back at me telling me to stop or they'll cane me. but it didn't happen that way. suddenly, my dad barged in, kicked the cupboard, threw the car at the same cupboard, and roared at me with a belt in his hand. as in literally roaring!! i was so scared. at that time, my room was kind of big? then the bed was a double-decked. so when i saw my dad going bonkers at me, i jumped off my bed and hid at the corner between two cupboards (i shared my room with my aunt so there was an extra cupboard). it was hard for the belt to reach cause i'm in between. so naturally, it was the safest place! but well, if my dad wasn't held back by my mom and grandparents, i might've been beaten till half dead? LoLs. maybe that was exaggerated but well, when my dad goes mad he'll do anything. so guess at time, i was so scared that i kept crying. all i remembered was that when i dared to move from my spot, i turned and looked at the cupboard, i saw TWO HOLES. yes. the first was made by my dad's kick that forced a dent in the cupboard. the second was the chair that really made a hole in the cupboard. so glad i was on the bed when my dad kicked and threw that chair.

yeah. come to think of it, ever since then my relationship with my dad became strained and cold. furthermore, my little brother's relationship with my dad was strained too. cause he was around when my dad had gone mad so most probably, he got the shock of his life and became frightened. but i've never really asked him about it. well, i guess that can't be help. it's funny i can still remember this after such a long time. it's been six long years.

well, back to the dinner, it was great i guess. there were even musicians there to serenade while we ate. so like after two songs, one of the musicians suddenly said, "today is a special day. a little (they were like twenty plus years old) girl today will be turning sixteen. yup. sweet sixteen. and her name is LIUYING!" *pausepause*

*SHOCK* today's not my birthday!!?! then my mom explained that it was my chinese birthday so i was like, "also don't need to tell them what!!" but well, they just went on singing the birthday song which made me so embarrassed. haha. and i found out another thing, it wasn't my mom who told them, it was my DAD. it was then i realised how much my dad loves me. really! though the stunt was really very embarrassing but i'm touched all the same. yeah.

sometimes i feel so lousy that my dad tries so hard to bond us back together while i'm there being mean to him. well, guess i'll have to try harder. but slowly i guess. if you were me, crouching there trying not to be beaten up by your dad who has gone mad, i'm sure the scar will take real long to heal.

Dear Lord,
thank You for being the Almighty Father in my life. You who gave me strength when i'm weak, You who healed my broken heart. Lord, i just want to thank You for letting me remember the incident which tore a small piece of my heart away. at the same time, You showed me the Light through what has happened today. Father, i really just want to pray for courage and wisdom. to be able to speak up when needed and saying the right words. Lord Father, i give thanks.
in Jesus's name i pray,
Amen.

going off!! bye!!

will i get stronger?

-LeeUuZ

♥ 11:02 PM