POL-ITE started already and the girls have won SP and RP! technically speaking, only SP cause RP had two walkovers and we were losing 1-2. but lucky we made it i guess.

for those who are disappointed with your performance today, don't be! it's not your best, true.. but we know that you can and you will do better! so let's do well on thursday and friday against NYP and NP (:

i'm here today because i want to write letters to people. everything's messed up again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

to the first you,
signing in to msn, the first name i'll always see is yours. but today when i signed in, as usual i saw you. but your nickname..

"u give up on me."

do you have any idea how much it hurt me? i couldn't take my eyes off it no matter how much i wanted to. i thought while showering, did i really? just doesn't make any sense. afterall, i thought it was mutual? weren't we still laughing and joking about it? didn't you make promises? but i think it's time cognitivity rule over affection.

how can you say i give up on you when i never did? yes i said i was tired. but i didn't say i was finished. the difference is that when i get tired, i need rest, after my rest i'll carry on with the journey.

it is more about you giving up on yourself, you giving up on us. you've made your choice even though you knew clearly what will happen. ignorance?

i don't even care if i'm known to be the badguy. i only care about what you think about me and what's going to happen to you now

just so you know, a simple remark by you causes pain to my heart. this time, it managed to pierce through the numbness that was within. i really hope you know what you're doing.


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to the second you,
i'm speechless. it shocked and terrified me. i was told many times that my judgement is wrong but i didn't believe them. i believed in you and i protected you. but what i found out, i guess you will never know how it came about. you see, in life there's karma. things that you do will come back and haunt you. while i'm still in disbelief, i keep thinking back to the times when you told me stories, were there links among them? were you trying to hint me something? or you simply can't let me find out about that double-life you're living. i guess now i'll just leave it be. until the day you tell me from your very lips. i guess i'll never trust you again.

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to the third you,
just forget me.

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ladies and gentlemen, have i or have i not just won the prize for the world's most rotten judgement?

♥ 11:58 PM

my mind's a blank now. it happened just yesterday but it feels so long already. i don't know how i'm feeling right now though. and it's not the first time i'm feeling like this.

i guess if it was meant to be then it would. i'm a person who believes in carving out your own life. not that i'll go against fate or destiny or something. i guess everyone from the moment you're born, a life has been set ahead for you already. and the life alters according to your choices along the way.

the point is, there's no point.

you see, my mind is demented. nothing makes sense. everything's twisted.

forgive me, i should have done it a long time ago. from the moment i could tell from your eyes that you'll never really let it go, i should have done it then.

hopefully from now on, things will change and get better. i really really hope so. and hope that one day, we can do this all over again.



on to better things, been shopping lately. the flea market at smu with yiting... orchard with christina bryan and tim followed by supper with addition of michelle and ivan at simpang.



and i finally got my new contact lenses and specs. i've been dragging it for few months already. blurry vision and stuff. in the end, the optician told me that i have a lazy left eye and that my astigmatism has increased. i'm going to be blind ):



realised that i haven't camwhored for the longest time already. think with all the school work, no one's in the mood for anything. just really looking forward to the holidays when i can go everywhere and do everything with everyone! awesome (:

and i've conquered many many movies. i don't know how many have i updated already.. but here's what i pulled out of my wallet since june..



cool.. i enjoyed the hangover most. very lighthearted and the concept of the movie is so fresh! haha. got some hot babes in it too. was actually quite reluctant to watch the hangover at first cause i wanted to catch public enemy! but didn't regret (:

and finally, for all the males..





love you all.

♥ 6:14 PM

this is something that i really really want to get if my long hair doesn't work out.

♥ 12:38 AM

i'm not sure when it became the part in me but i guess i have tendencies to take care of people. seldom the other way around.

sometimes it gets really tiring always being the one looking after people.

don't get me wrong though. that kind of instinct has been in me since young luh. being the older sister and all. i used to take care of jing and jovian last time.. i do bully them too. haha. and when i grew older, i was still taking care of people. got one, everytime fall sick or have some sort of injury or whatever one. HAHA you know who you are la. don't need me to broadcast right? (X

i'm independent. i just know it. but i guess at the end of the day, i'm still a girl no matter how tomboyish i may be. and girls just need that little tenderness.

hanging out with a whole bunch of guys, it's good for me cause at least i don't have to look after anyone cause they can take care of themselves. and they don't have to keep taking care of me. unless it's like going club or something like that.

all's good.

went to SMU with yiting on saturday for flea market. got myself a ring, bracelet, vintage clutch and a pair of shoes!

and while we were walking there, this old lady cycled to our side and cut right into our path. and she just point middle finger at us and mumbled some stuff that we couldn't understand.

what the hell?

lucky she went off and the rest of the day passed quite smoothly, erm for yiting i guess.

then like later at night was waiting for bus at plaza singapura. there were the inconsiderate COMFORT DELGRO TAXIs which conveniently parked themselves before the busstop. and the stupid bus driver just stopped right behind them without honking or turning out!

so the entire row of buses were just stuck there for practically 10minutes! in the end, the bus just stayed there while the ones at the back finally had some sense to turn out.

damn stupid..

anyway, did projects over at sam's place. quite productive i guess.

♥ 4:20 AM

i'm sorry i left you lying there for this period of time all by yourself. even at times when i have this urge to reach you, but failed to do so. all because my life's been controlled by school projects and erm, other friends.

it's not that you don't mean as much as they are to me. it's just that, hais. i don't know how to put it. i guess you should be disappointed in me as i am myself.

all those late night partying.. drinks.. supper.. i know they're just excuses. i can have so much fun without you, so why can't i do it with you? it's sad i know, that i have neglected you just so i can be out there spending and enjoying time with other people but you.

even the recent times that we've met, i dealt it with much haste. only meeting you because i have no dates or have nothing to do. what we have used to be so effortless but now it's such a chore. i hate us being this way.

i feel like i'm using you, sorry ):

it makes me feel so guilty that you are always here for me, whether for good things or bad. and that i could always find comfort in you. guilty that you would always welcome me back with opened arms, but i would leave the instant someone else finds me.

and worst of all, you don't hate me.

why do you treat me so well?

i can't promise you anything. but know that even as i can't be there for you, i still do always think about you. about all the things that i want to tell you, and for everything that you've done for me all these years.

please don't give up on us. i'm fighting hard to save this relationship.

am terribly sorry for what i've done.































I'LL BE BACK TO FIND YOU SOON (X

♥ 5:27 PM

yes people, this little witch has finally turned 19. thanks for all the wishes everyone! each and every one of you made me smile!! (:


first things first, ivan's going into NS on the tenth! had a farewell BBQ for him on sunday night that turned out disastrous due to heavy downpour. hilarious!

we were like hanging umbrellas from raffia strings tied across a pillar and tree. LOL. still got drenched in the end but the food was OK! we had loads of fun though. only the part when the drinking started to get fierce, christina and i retreated into my house. hahaha.

was getting lazy and all but then chris told me to go out after 12midnight ma. so i went la.. then reach the pit, she and michelle went like


ohman, haha so paiseh. they help me sing birthday song. hahaha. shucks..

after the bbq, went to meet damien nick and rubina with chris for supper at pasir ris central. hungry and tired man.

chris stayed over at my place and we slept like logs till 10am plus. didn't hear my phone ring at all. and i've told people that my bed is damn comfortable. once you're on it, it's hard to get off. hahaha.

chris says maybe she's just tired luh.. WHAT RUBBISH! hahahahaha...

went to school and met damien nick for lunch while poor chris go for project group meeting, damn sad. end up only me eating. then just talk slack until lesson start then i go for class.

got another sing song session from 2m04 after class plus an oreo cheesecake. thanks people! enjoyed the super soggy cake! hahaha. feels like i'm biting off cream. AWESOME! (:

slacked at biz park after class with rubina nick damien yuanhui anson jeremy. think they got bored or something then started to sing birthday song for me la. damn loud make me super super paiseh. and they sang it in chinese too. double paiseh.

went to training afterwards.

oh ya, last friday after training,


saw this board at the bridge there. i think cause people have been sticking their temperature stickers everywhere! like seriously. even on the posters can? hahahaha. damn funny. ohwell, whoever that placed this board here is damn thoughtful (:

oh anyway, got a surprise from the team. hahaha. so sweet.. but i sort of guessed something was up after jiajie and candice disappeared too long. haha. so as usual, i was being a cheek and got up to leave.

immediately, the backup squad got to me and like desperately holding me back. HAHAHAHA super cute.

and it's the rare few times that i got smashed by cake la. usually, it's the other way round.

went off to 85 market to meet rubina nick damien yuanhui anson jeremy amanda yanping for the finale of the night. haha.

look what those idiots got me,


and i had to blow out the cig-.- while at it, i got smashed in the face by a chocolate muffin which i made anson and jeremy lick it. LOL!

thanks la you guys. i like just got to know all of you only then you all treat me so well. haha.

then the guys disappeared for awhile to "smoke". and came back with,


my immediate reaction was, OMG GG..... hahahahaha.

had to down the whole bottle neat. i screamed in protest and persuaded them successfully to let me buy drink.

after like downing around 2/3 of the bottle, they decided to let it go la. so i got yuanhui to help me finish the rest.

man i was so naive.

was trying to get rid of the alcohol taste so i gulped down the sprite. the WHOLE bunch of them just smiled and stared at me la!! then, nick took out another bottle of the vodka!

guess what,




























kao! they're unscruptulous luh! spiked my drink!

lucky i was sent home already. and for YOUR (the whole bunch of you) information, i puked. hahaha. but that was after a failed attempt at my project, rolling around my bed and a shower. damn awesome! (:

and my room reeks of alcohol. haha!




after all that trouble, i'm very thankful for all of them la. haha. this few days keep making me laugh until buay tahan.

and really, thanks everyone for the birthday wishes whether phone or msn or facebook!

now for my piano exam ):

♥ 1:50 PM

last night was bad. emotions getting out of control, crazy thoughts, impossible wishes.

it was rough but i made it till morning. and things got better, i suppose as it always does when the sun comes out.

haven't got much sleep the whole week due to individual assignments i was struggling to complete. and there's still more group projects due next week. school really sucks with all that crap and exams.

on the other hand, i do look forward to school so i can see all my friends. i'm tired but they are the ones motivating me.

training has been consistent for the past few weeks. monday wednesday and friday nights, i'm all booked for the game. want to retain the gold we had last year very badly. i don't say or show it, but really working hard.

thursday went to watch,

with damien rubina and nick!

not a bad movie as i thought it might be. very touching.. lucky it wasn't the cliche love story or i would've fallen asleep.

and i think this movie is better than Transformers luh! hahahaha.

the part when paul said he believes in conner and loves him, i teared.. so touching can! hahaha. sadly ah, jing not so mushy la hor?

then went to meet dj to "celebrate" birthday. haha. thanks for everything(:


hais this is one year that i wished hun and i weren't born on the same day. it's like every year, we like stealing each other's thunder/limelight whatever. last year my 18th, it didn't feel like my birthday at all. but it was a good year through and through.

this year it's his 21st. i don't want to steal his light la. i'm not as bad as him luh. HAHA.

but i think i have to put any celebrations on hold la. mad busy.

one more thing that's troubling me,


i haven't got my pay yet. so i still don't have money to do and buy stuff that i want. i have a sad life, for now. LOL

ok i'm going out for another movie!! and i complain i have not enough time to do my work. the irony!!!

leave you guys with one of my disney faves.. (:

♥ 9:45 PM