i have so many thoughts in my mind now. so much that i fell asleep while thinking through them. feeling a little physical exhaustion, mentally i'm dead beat. it's not a vexing thing actually. i just don't know where to begin.

anyway, sunday i celebrated my birthday with these girls.


thankyou so much. made my 18th birthday a whole lot special. (: the food, the company, the laughs, thankyou girls so much.


nobody shall snatch this bowl of delights from me. (X

and i realised cherelle has a fetish with my ERHEMS. haha. she can't stop staring and gossiping about them luh. haha. i know i know. i'm an attractive young lady with huge amount of charisma. who can resist yea? but sorry have to burst your bubble. i'm straight.

LOL what a load of bull.

ok, that lightened me up some bit. now to some serious stuff, heard a disturbing news from mom about grandpa. for now, i'm just speechless.

i asked mom,

why are humans borned to die?

she couldn't give me a satisfied answer. all that happened was she went around the topic but just couldn't answer, why are we borned to die?

if all of us are borned to die, isn't it better that we aren't born in the first place? save us a whole lot of trouble right? and what's life when we know it'll end?

for me it's hard to accept that we all have to leave someday just like that. everything we've done, we've achieved and made ourselves proud, anything that matters deeply to us, they'll be gone when we die. i don't want that to happen.

take my life now for example, there's so many things i want to last. i want my relationship with dearsexyboy to last. i want to party with my friends even when i'm old and weary. tonnes of stuff that i really don't wish for an end.

so, why? why are we borned to die?

is life just as meaningless and empty to that extent? are we only on earth for the sole purpose of reproducing and multiplying our species? ain't we like the animals then?

but humans, we talk, our intellect far surpasses the animals. but we all die. just like the animals. huh?

doesn't make any sense right.

so this is when i turned back to Jesus. no matter how wild or open minded i may grow to be, for this reason i turned back to Jesus.

humans alone cannot reach heaven and have eternal life. in order for that to happen, it is only through God's son, Jesus Christ, whom He sent down to earth to die for all our sins. to cleanse us, to purify us. so that we may enter the heavens as children of God and enjoy eternity.

that's just what i think and what kept my faith.

for now, i pray for protection over the family, and close bonds to form. i pray for health and peace.

my 18th birthday, gift or curse?

♥ 1:49 AM