i guess i've always complained about him working and leaving me all alone at home. despite the complains, i understand his rationale for doing so. sadly i'm not perfect. i know i'm selfish and want him to myself. nee asked me, when you're in this relationship, do you look for companionship or understanding. well, i guess most of you would think that i'm looking for companionship since i seem to crave for his company so much. hmm, i think not.

i told nee i wasn't looking for companionship nor understanding in this relationship. companionship? i have my friends. and they are really good ones that i can hang out till late at night like cass, and used to include hoi and dan. then i thought, maybe i was looking for understanding. but again, i don't have much problems with my parents being not understanding enough, except maybe my dad. my mom understands, and surprisingly, my grandparents too! i know they have a bit of problem with me spending more time outside than at home, but they have no issues with my bf or anything else. i guess the most important people to be understanding should always be your family and of course yourself. then i concluded that in this relationship, i look for love and for someone to take care of me. childish answer right? but seriously, love? when i talk about love, i talk about something so mysterious that so many hearts yearn yet hurt cause of it. when i talk about love, i talk about an intimate relationship between two people that outsiders can never understand. i want love. i have it with him. the taking care of me part, why? can't my parents and friends take care of me? can't i take care of myself? well, i mean at times when i can't rely on my friends or family, like times i have fights with them. i need someone to be there for me when i need it. to make me smile like a baby even when my face is covered with tears. i can list loads of examples, but you can only understand how i feel when you're in it. can't say i'm in true love, but i'm blissfully happy. (:

my weekend was quite interesting. haha. went to buy makeup with nee. she's so excited by it by the way. LOL. i got a mascara and lip gloss and it cost me twenty bucks. HUZZAH! quite expensive i think. but maybe makeup is just like that right? haha. virgin makeup shopping. (x then we tried visiting him at his work again but sadly, got bounced. irritating. but we found out later that the place got raided! whoa, lucky us. well, that night still led on to more interesting stuff but i shan't disclose much. hee. just know that we've had a hell of a time.

i realise how fortunate i am really. when i quit school, i found a job without really going on a job hunt. somehow it just dropped in front of me. and the pay is relatively not bad for my age. and my boss is quite understanding so my colleagues and her are on pretty good terms. (x compared to him, i'm really lucky i guess. his bosses are very strict. and i see him trouble about his work attendance. ): sometimes i just think it's so unfair for me to be on the good side of life when he always seemed to be struggling. i just wished life could be fairer and let me take his place instead. i wished that i can be the one he'd look for when he's tired. i wished i can be the one always sticking by him even when he's down in the dumps. hey me, please don't disappoint me.

anyway, today i went to his house (AGAIN!). haha. and he made fried udon for me! so so so delicious! i think i'm easily bribed. haha. i want to upload some pics of him cooking but lil bro's sleeping so i can't borrow his phone. sad. and i want to get a new phone and trade in my current. but right, i lost the cable! so how?? ):

ok, got work tomorrow.



-LeeUuZ

♥ 11:46 PM