i am becoming more and more unlike me. i remember i used to be so enthusiastic about meeting new opponents and trying to score as much as i can in every game. the fierce fighting spirit, the sheer joy i found in the excitement of winning stronger opponents never fail to put a grin onto my face. competitiveness is something that i've lost a long time ago. i guess it was since the day i decided to join canoing instead of tabletennis in tpjc was the day that it had gone. sadly to say, i haven't really realized it till recently. i guess when i decided to join canoing, it was more of a getting-myself-tanned-and-fit rather than i'm-going-to-be-the-swiftest-on-water kind of thing. hence my competitive spirit being so misplaced and neglected that it sort of "ran away".

and it has left me behind. it sucks. i admit i'm a person who loves the thrill of winning. the psyched moment when you know you're doing your best and you know that you're going to nail it. confident that even if one set was lost, i'd catch up with another three. i miss that me.

i'm reflecting more and more and i do realise i tend to make stupid excuses more often. not to cover up for my losses, but to shield myself from the old me who despises the kind i am right now. turns out, it makes everything worser than it already was. boohoo LeeUuZ, boohoo.

i want to tear myself from this current me and find back the good old me. after all, i used to win gloriously and lose with dignity. now? my losses are ugly and my wins are simply pitiful. and tabletennis is not the only thing that've been affected so far. i won't go into details for this post is emo enough.

whatever happened to the "i aim to be one of the top players in singapore"? LeeUuZ you suck!



-LeeUuZ

♥ 12:42 AM