bahh! i hate myself sometimes. when will i ever learn? sigh. i lost at national 'b' to a primary school kid. and man! it was so wasted! she's like the lousiest primary school kid that i'll ever meet and i just wasted my chance like that. sucks badly. it's not that she's any good or what. i mean, her basics are really strong but that's all it is to it. i have more skill, more tactics, and more experience. why the hell i lost? because i'm scared. sigh! how many times do i have to psycho myself in order to start winning again? i remembered secondary two, i was so looking forward to east zones being the first singles and all. like the matches we played in school, i got the best scores. in the end? my first match again cchsm, i lead 2-0 at first but lost 2-3. and then on for the WHOLE east zones, i just fumbled and fall through it. i suck right? basically i just know that my opponents are no match for me but i just can't win the game! and when i finally pshchoed myself into the WIN WIN MUST WIN mentality and the NOT AFRAID OF COMPETITIONS mindset, i was secondary four already! late huh? but at least i did it and it rocked, hard. and now i lost it. sigh. is it just because i changed a rubber and playing style? is my mental so weak? i can't blame my lost on the rubber nor can i place it on not training as much as that kid. i know deep down in me, i just know it's myself that i have to overcome again. how long will it take this time? and shucks, i just missed the Dr Ng Eng Seng cup sign up dateline. means i can't work on my mental. it really sucks to play good off court but badly on court. i wished it's the other way round. :(

i remembered last night after playing at tampines west, i kept repeating "sha! sha! sha!" *smash* over and over. and i kept thinking about how i got to the stage of mind when i was in secondary four. kind of got some idea. sadly i'm working so i can't really go about thinking about tabletennis all the time. but i really thank LL for being so patient with me all these while. i know he's been putting a lot of effort in training me. it's natural to be worried about me and get frustrated to see me pull that kind of stunt infront of you huh? so sorry. i'll do my bestest best next time. sigh, so much for tabletennis in this post.

lazing around again in this sunday afternoon. bored. bro went with cousin to WCG at suntec. wanted to join them at first but i got lazy and wanted to reserve my time in case i suddenly feel like seeing someone. :) haha. oh ya! thanks melinda shiyu and shunzi for friday. though it was only a short meeting and all, really thank you girls for celebrating my belated birthday with me. thanks for the food and the cake. makes me feel so blessed to have juniors like you all. haha. thanks much. :)

hmm, my piano teacher got me a cd! haha. she's really nice to me and all. like my close aunt or something. she's really been taking good care of me since i was primary two? i think so. whoa, this will be the nineth year since we knew each other. cool huh? kind of watched me grow up. gorgeous lady. xD

i love jazz much much.



-LeeUuZ

♥ 4:09 PM