sigh, i miss tabletennis loads. WHY?? WHY did i join canoeing instead of tabletennis?! i am such a retard. :( i guess i was too blinded by intensity of training and also the opportunity to meet other types of people and forgot what i really wanted. how can i be such a fool? i've been playing tabletennis for eight long years, EIGHT! including this year it'd be my nineth year already. and yet, i forgot about that burning passion i had everytime i touched the racket and the ball. i miss winning those matches, heck i even miss losing with much much glory. i miss the 'well done' everyone would give when my match was satisfying. i miss that kind of andrenaline that would rush through my body like wild fire. my body would shriek in joyful aching (sounds so sick). ahh!! i miss being awfully stressed out in a game. i miss playing mind games on the court. i miss so many things about tabletennis. so why??!! why is LeeUuZ so foolish to join canoeing? what's so great about canoeing anyway? sure, i get satisfied when i manage not to capsize on a k1. sure my muscles feel great when i get those tough trainings. but so what? because of canoeing, my life is foolishly hectic. i wish time would really go back. i wish i could just be a good girl and stick to what i'm supposed to excel, tabletennis.

and now, i even think about whether am i really meant to be in a jc. i don't mean that i'm not enjoying jc life, well i am! it's just that, i don't know if the right path for me is in jc. remember last time i said i wanted to take psychology? well, my mind changed when i got exposed to econs. somehow, business appeals to me greatly. come to think of it, my family is more of the business type. even when my mom's in IT industry and my dad in the food industry, both of them deal with trade, import export, etc etc, business stuff. one of my uncle does trading of building materials. my cousins are mostly involved in the business area. one in hospitality and working as a hotel manager now. the other in the food industry, same as my dad. and another is in business school in tp. what am i doing in tpjc? i should be in tp or sp business doing something more meaningful and relevant to my future. not freaking gp! the only two useful subjects that i'm taking in jc would be econs, of course, and project work. seriously other than those two, i don't know what am i doing in the rest of the lessons. currently, i'm contemplating whether to quit school, work till next year and get enrolled in a poly or to continue my stupid life. sure people would advise me to stay in jc because it'd be easier to enter a university in the future. but what's the use if i can't get at least two As and the rest Bs? gosh i feel like thrash. someone tell me what to do?

i just feel so messed up in my life. except for you being in it. sigh. i made a wrong choice. so now, will i be able to correct it or not? i need to talk to my mom. erm, real mom. LOL! by the way, anyone taking part in CSC competition?



-LeeUuZ

♥ 11:22 PM