Every point of view has another angle
And every angle has its merit
But all comes down to faith
Thats the way i see it

You can say that love is not divine and
You can say that life is not eternal
"All we have is know"
But I don't believe it

There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill

Does the world seem gray with empty longing
Wearing every shade of cynical
And do you ever feel that
There is something missing?

That's my point of view... Yeah

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i'm lost. that hole in my heart that only God can fill is not filled. i guess i've been in self-denial quite some time already. only that i kept trying to hold on as hard as possible. i just realised that i'm really losing faith. i don't want to but somehow, my faith just keeps wavering everyday. and guess what? i think i was already in self-denial for two months. my heart hurts so deeply that sometimes i cry for no reason at all. and finally today, i'm able to step out from this illusion. not that it's a good thing but at least, i know that something is wrong.

well, the song above kind of describes how i feel, well not exactly. the song is quite positive, i'm negative. the world for me now is really some sort of grayish and stuff. and i'm longing for something which i don't know what. well, my soul is searching for God but i'm not. i guess that's the reason why i'm in such a dilemma.

when i look back, i noticed my yearning for God has deteriorated. where did that eager God-chaser went to? well, don't ask me. i was in self-denial for quite some time and have not been tracking my spiritual growth. how i feel now is like stuck in between two walls. i can't move out from the walls cause something's out there that'll harm me while i can't move forward through the walls cause it gets tighter. how??

and somehow, i don't seem to be depressed about it. just a little unfeeling and cold. and right now, i feel really empty.

well, through this journey of self-denial, there were times when God really touched me. i was so happy but then? it only lasted awhile. and i don't know where that Big Daddy who has been holding onto my hand went. so on and off, i was found and lost again. maybe i was never found? i don't know.

well basically, i connect the most with God through music as it's a very big part of my life. and God spoke clearer to me through music than through sermons or whatever. but the church YFM's not helping. all day long, they sing songs of praise, of how wonderous our God is. i mean, yea He is! but what happened to those times when He picked us up and healed our spirit?

what i need now most is a powerful worship. not just songs, but i need a full powerful worship. in which God will speak to me and relate to me in any way of my life. i need that. just once and i know i'll be fine. God help me?



-LeeUuZ

♥ 11:33 PM