sigh. i think i failed my piano exam. that's really sad. i went in all nervous. the examiner looked so scary. he's this HUGE aussie guy. and he seemed rather impatient like he wanted to get the exam over and done with. in the end, i did loads of stuff wrongly. sad........

anyway, i went FOP two times! one on friday and one on saturday! i totally love Don Moen. he is such a talented musician!! furthermore, he's like one of the best worship leader in the world!! what do ya think of that?? he played the piano so well!! and guess what??!! he plays the violin too!! aaahhh!! honestly, i'm quite inspired by him to play in YFM. really! and i was thinking someday, i want to be just like Don Moen. worshipping God with all my heart and my best. *dreams*

well, church on saturday was weird. they talked about "lianAI-ing". be it BGR or courtship. well, it was fun hearing the older ones talked about their past relationships be it successes or failures. but somehow or rather, i didn't quite feel comfortable in the whole situation. especially when the girls and guys were asked to go to separate rooms to have the leaders talked to us privately. and one of the leaders, seemed to be targetting a certain people. sigh. i shan't elaborate on it. it pains me to see such things happening. well, it's all a process.

sometimes i wonder what type of character does a leader require. i mean, they have to be of a certain standard for God to have placed these leaders in their positions to lead and guide us. even if they're not doing their best, those that are under these leaders should still be submissive to them i guess. and really, we don't have much right to question God's choice aye? sigh. how i wish that i can be ignorant to all the stuff that's happening around me and just lead my simple life. but why?? why do these things have to just, just be there?! just, there! HERE even. i'm tremendously sick and tired of hearing such things over and over again. furthermore, i'm sick of watching reality replaying right infront of my eyes over and over and OVER again! doubts that i do not want to confirm kept throwing facts into my eyes. i see them!! and i can't do anything about it. suddenly, my feelings are just so stirred up that i want to confront these foolishness!! bah!! i don't want to judge!! i really don't want to. it's wrong and it's not helping anyone.

sigh, and people keep giving excuses when they judge. going like, "it's not my fault that i judge, i'm not Jesus. i'm not God. i'm only human. that's why i sin. so i will just keep praying that God keep me away from such ridiculous temptations." like I DON'T CARE! i did wrong, you did wrong. we all did wrong. so? STOP DOING IT! what's the point of sinning and asking for forgiveness repeatedly??!! you know you shouldn't do such things then DON'T!! it's so ironic. like, "i know smoking is not good for me but i still try it. then i'll try to get rid of the addiction afterwards."

GET MY BLOODY POINT?

ok, calm down. don't get overboard. breathe in... and out... count to ten. heck.
bye.



-LeeUuZ

♥ 5:52 PM